How can life turn toxic - 9 reasons it all went downhill after you thought it has all worked out?

We all attain a point in our lives when we are at the top of our game. Feeling of happiness and contentment comes naturally. As they say, reaching your “hunky-dory”. Sometime back, I was in such a situation myself. A job I loved, a family who loved and supported me, a partner whom I adored, my knight in shining armor, strong bonds, and even stronger dreams. I could not believe life could be so fair to me, granting me every wish, like I suddenly became God’s favorite child. And before I knew it, I was alone in my room having panic attacks and popping anti-depression pills. Friends left, my knight felt he needed to move on, family doubting me and to top it all, my job suffered, and so did my health. Sitting alone with nothing but my haunting thoughts, days became nights and nights turned into days. Tears would not stop and feeling of misery would not leave me alone. It felt like I fell from the seventh heaven to the rock bottom. One moment I was planning my wedding, and the next moment I was clutching my broken pieces to hold them together somehow. Days after days of retrospective and speculation helped me come to this conclusion – I was responsible for my misery, and I am responsible to make it right. Following are the key points I felt turned my life from happy to desolate:

1. Micromanaging – This is the biggest mistake one can commit. Micromanaging everything because you want everything to be according to you. This feeling comes naturally when you started getting everything you wish for, so you start wishing for un-attainable things now. And when you are unable to achieve them, you feel hopeless, you feel as if your streak of luck has run out. That your fate finally started to turn against you. And ultimately, you fatigue out from all the hard-work.

2. Inability of seeing things through – Another in the list is doing things halfway through and not waiting to see them conclude. A proper technique of accomplishing something is to see and complete all the steps. If you failed at step 1, does not mean you will fail every time. Maybe you are supposed to wait for some time before you are ready to accomplish it. Whatever is meant for you will be yours at the opportune moment. This does not mean that your world is falling apart and that you failed at something. It simply means now is not your time and you got to wait for it.

3. Denying accepting alternatives or changes – Well, how often do we deny when things start to change around you? That gray hair that was not there one night before gave you a scary morning today. Or that wrinkle that your colleague just noticed reminded you that you are aging. Or you feel that that shirt is your lucky shirt because you cracked an interview in it, but the next time you wore that shirt, your boyfriend dumped you? Well, that shirt is just a shirt. What you need to understand is that things will change, they will evolve and there is nothing you can do to stop it. Maybe your behavior pushed people away, but that does not mean people changed. It simply means you are not adapting to the change. Learn to let go and move on with changes. Remember, change is the only constant in the world.

4. Choosing to see what you want to see – That guy you are dating is right out of your dream? That dress you always wanted to fit in was perfect? That lasagna last night could defeat the best chef in the world? Let us wake you up darling! It is all a perception! You see what you want to see. Everything is perfectly flawed. If you see the glass half empty, then you will definitely have a hard life because you forgot that glass is also half full. Correcting your vision here would help big time!

5. Inability to practice gratitude – They say we understand the worth of something only after it is lost. But before I begin with this point, I want to ask something. Have you ever thought that the 5k hair cut you got last weekend is not just an expenditure? It keeps giving returns till its time for your next cut. Don’t get it? Well, it returns in the priceless look you keep if you maintain it well. You are blessed to be able to afford a haircut that expensive. You are blessed to have a family that supports you, a loving partner, friends, pets. If none of that sounds like you, well, be grateful you had internet connection (well you did reach this article, didn’t you?) and a life which is a gift in itself. You are living a dream of a dying person, be grateful for it.

6. You are not sure of what you are seeking – Today you want to plant tomatoes in your backyard, tomorrow you want to try your hands at painting Mandala art. Before divulging into such activities, ask yourself, what do I want to accomplish. Chart a goal and achieve it. You would have done two things then, one you achieve something, second you feel the thrill of achieving something. This could be your winning streak, just get on with the next task dear! Starting without a plan and doing it halfheartedly will only leave you with guilt and a plunging sense of failure.

7. Uncertainties of life – You forgot to account for all the uncertainties of life. That layoff, a failed deadline, a flu, mental stress, a breakup you weren’t ready for, landlord raising the rent, and so much more you didn’t see coming. It is always good to have a backup plan for all the aspects of life, in corporate world it is termed as Business Continuity Plan. Failing to create a buffer for such events (or incidents) can lead to an untimely negativity that if not dealt with in a proper fashion can lead to a toxic life.

8. Meeting wrong people – Learn this by heart – “People will do what they want to do”. Many people blindly trust people with so many red flags. Keep your spiderman instincts ready at all times (so they raise arm-hair at the right time whenever red flag is around). But even if you end up meeting that wrong person, it is a good thing because haven’t you heard? “Wrong people always teach the right lessons”.

9. Unhealthy habits – Believe it or not, lack of sleep, improper diet, lack of stress and lack of fun will ultimately add on to the stress build-up. Leading a disciplined life is hard, agree, but pick 2-3 things from the list mentioned above and try to do it, or else, after 5-10 years you won’t realize but you will be dealing with a toxic life for no apparent reason whatsoever.

If it seems that everything is going downhill, repeat after me, “It is all going to be okay. The downhill will become uphill, and that’s where you’re headed too”. If your hunky-dory changed to a toxic life, you can rely on this very change again that it will change to happy life once more. This is the meaning of life; it keeps changing and it keeps going on. All you have to do is live every moment because it may never come again.

 

Cheers!